I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
my poor anus
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
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