I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
Randomize
