i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
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