Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
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