anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
