he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
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