He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
