I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
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