Umm I'm too high to move.
Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
Randomize
