Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
Randomize
