Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
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