bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
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