I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
That's awesome and prob the first time you had an idea of what to do. I'm super proud of you Chelz
Its cos im stoned ! My high self is maturing
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
Randomize
