Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
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