remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
Randomize
