she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
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