I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
Randomize
