Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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