butt sex is not good for yourself don't do it
Thanks?
It was confusing and full of hummus
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
