My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
I'm gonna fight the coyote
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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