last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Randomize
