Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
Randomize
