no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
Randomize
