Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
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