Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
Randomize
