I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
Randomize
