You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
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