Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
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