there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
i drank out of a bidet.
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
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