This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
Randomize
