You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
I'm really busy with my period
Randomize
