he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
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