I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
my nose is crying tears of wow.
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
Randomize
