I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
Randomize
