im having a threesome with these popsicles
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
Randomize
