I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
Randomize
