did you get engaged???
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
Randomize
