Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Randomize
