im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
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