I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
