The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
God, I missed his penis.
Randomize
