I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
Randomize
