you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Randomize
