dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
Randomize
