Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
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My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
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