got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
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