Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
Randomize
