:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
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