Midget sex pt 2 tonight
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize
