im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
Randomize
