my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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