she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
Randomize
