jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
Randomize
