My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
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