I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
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