I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
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