How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
Randomize
