wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
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