he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
Come back. Shots need mouths.
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
Randomize
