Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
Randomize
